Saturday, January 30, 2010

Shit

Let's talk about shit.

So, I spent five hours today waist deep in a hole of human waste that I had dug.

Last week we noticed sewage leaking out of the front yard by the street.  Today I figured I would try to dig up the sewer to see what the problem was.

Trouble was, the sewer line was broken apart in a 4'w x 3'l x 5'h hole of sludge.  It was like quicksand, difficult to excavate.  There were so many turds that I wondered  if all these turds were ours.  Seriously -- some of these could be the previous owners turds.  It took hours and ours of digging, standing in the mud, then standing in the sewage, then kneeling in it.

At first the thing I kept repeating to myself was, "Take it easy, B, slow and steady -- don't splash any."  By the end of the day, covered in sewage, crouching in a four-foot-deep hole of human waste, I just wanted to get it done as quick as possible.  My mantra become "Be careful, B, you're tired, don't fall in."

The stench was awful.  But, like and combat veteran I suppose, you quickly become inured to it.  By the end of the day, I felt like I had been through hell.  Ask Dr. A -- I had the thousand-yard stare.  However, after some pizza-and-Lagunitas therapy, I finally feel like I've pushed through.

There's now a giant hole by the street, with about 100 square feet of excavated sewage and sludge around it, the gook four inches deep and oozing towards the gutter.

The neighborhood reeks of sewage.  I'm waiting for news vans to show up at our house, ready to interview the owners of the public health nuisance.

The broken sewer pipe is now unearthed, open and pointed at the street. We've been peeing in the bushes, and no baths tonight.  Anyone want to let us into their house to poop?

7 comments:

Darren said...

Oh, Shit.

Christie said...

What he said.

Mary said...

Brian, there are some things in life it is worth paying other people to do.

Zozopdx said...

oh, Mary, those are the wisest words I've heard in a while.

sputicus said...

If any post needs photos, it is this one.

amycs said...

wait, did I read that correctly? First there was the part about digging in crap all day long and then the part about no baths? By the way, one of my new favorite words is craptastic. You just took that word to a whole new level.

John Judy said...

I'm not laughing with you...