Wanted: Information Leading To Discovery Of The Actual Father Of This Child

Our little Erin: red hair, red eyebrows, red back, shoulder, and arm hair. High hair line. A little soft in the middle.

I'm confident that it's not the mail carrier, as the mail carrier is a short, dark-haired man. Nor can it be the milkman, since we, like anyone else born after the advent of refrigeration, get our milk from the store.

I'm guessing we're looking for a hairy-armed Irish mechanic or plumber, heavy-set, somewhere in his mid-forties.

Anyone with information should immediately contact me so that we can clear up and move past this troubling paternity issue.