Monday, September 8, 2008

Trial By Flyer

I have had an epiphany on par with the transportation-revolutionizing Segway that has already changed the way we build cities and become so ubiquitous in our modern lives. Are you sitting down? Seriously, sit down. This is going to blow your mind:

Jury trials during trans-oceanic flights.

So I'm sitting there today in the juror waiting room for hours on end, legs getting swollen, finding excuses to go to the bathroom to break up the monotony, getting what started out to be good reading time, but ended up in fidgety boredom, while something like "The History Channel Proudly Presents: Two Hours on the History of America's Killing Machines" played not once but twice on the room's giant plasma TV.

Then, as it does to all genius minds decades ahead of their times, it occurred to me that I could be doing something useful while waiting to serve. Something, oh, like being bodily transported to another continent.

Yes, yes, I understand the crucial role we seemingly-unimportant members of the juror pool play in our democracy. It's just that I think that if I'm going to be bored out of my mind, I'd rather have something to show for it at the end of the day. Something, say, like a baguette and a saucily-tipped beret. Oh, and a wax-tipped moustache. Yeah.

People of America: Write your county commisioners!


Christie said...

You mean being filled with the great pride that comes from almost fulfilling your civic responsibility isn't enough?

Darren said...

Don't they also, like, give you seven dollars?

amycs said...

Wow, this sounds like creavolution at work!

Mary said...


John Judy said...

Wait! You got to sit in a chair and watch the history of America's killing machines while I was sitting at work like a sucker?! And you got paid 7 bucks?!

Piece of advice.... If you want to get out of a jury, just do what I always do: Shave your head extra close that day and talk about guns a lot. Works EVERY time.

Kathleen said...

LOL. Genius!

sorry the JD isn't very fun. At the Oakland Courthouse where Chris just served there is only one working elevator up to the courtroom, and it holds about 9 people. So it takes like 2 hours just to go from the jury room to the courtroom. And they weren't aloowed to take the stairs for security reasons. Sweet.

Amber said...

Darren, to the best of my recollection, they only give you seven dollars if you work for an hourly wage. For those of us who don't work for an hourly wage (or any wage at all), you get nada... despite the fact that you might have to pay for a freaking babysitter. But whatever.

tgronke said...

Multnomah County's jury room still offers internet connectivity, though you need to fight with the other geeks schlepping laptops for the half-dozen cubicles with wired ethernet connections. I do not remember if the County building has public wireless ethernet.